I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
