Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
