I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
