your parents love me but you hate me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
