Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
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If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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