Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
they need to just BURY HIM!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
