I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
