she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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