This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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