Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
