No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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