Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
