No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
