I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
