no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
