you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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