You made me cry and you don't even care
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
