this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
