She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
