I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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