I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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