If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
