Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
