Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
