Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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