shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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