lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
