does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I want her autograph on my taint
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
