you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
