He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
