Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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