so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
