I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
