I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
