just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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