dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
