Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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