mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
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he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
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She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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