I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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