Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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