do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
