hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
