We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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