there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
