Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
