My first STD was from a foam party
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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