DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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