i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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