When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
