I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
