If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
