you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
