I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
