He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
