My hand turned me down
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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