Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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