brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We got so high we made milksteak
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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