I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
