Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
