So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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