he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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