I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
