At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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