I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
