I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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