He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
