dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
