come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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