I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
