"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
