You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
