About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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