At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The Olympian is in my bed
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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