Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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