i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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