I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
