Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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