She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
