mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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