Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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