i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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