If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
