I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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