you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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